Eleven Things You Should Know about Santa Fe
Before You Embarrass Yourself with the Locals.
 1. How come all the roofs are flat?
Until about a hundred and fifty years ago (a brief step back in time for Santa Fe), most of our roofs were dirt - or adobe, if you prefer. Dirt stays on better flat.
2. Where do you find oceanfront property in Santa Fe?
It’s found at the Guest House on the Hill, where you see the magnificent beginnings of the ocean - the most fantastic views of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains in Santa Fe, the place snow melts in the spring, runs down to form the Rio Tesuque, which flows to the Rio Pojoaque, which flows to the Rio Grande, which runs past El Paso, through Big Bend, and past Del Rio to the Gulf of Mexico, which joins the Atlantic Ocean. Oddly, views of the Pacific are trickier in Santa Fe.
3. What's so appealing about all these crooked-looking adobes?
In Santa Fe, a plumb and square house, like a tidy desk, bespeaks an alien culture, and an overly anxious approach to life. The Historic Zoning Ordinance states, “Straight lines shall be avoided.”
 4. Why do lots of otherwise nice areas have dirt roads?
You want somebody driving more than ten miles an hour past your house? Besides, paving the road might cause somebody to mistake your neighborhood for a “nice area,” which could negatively affect both your image, and the value of your real estate.
5. How long do adobe buildings last?
Ask the Palace of the Governors, built in 1610.
6. What is "walking distance to the Plaza"?
The time it takes to get there when your low rider's out of gas.
7. Why do most of the houses not have lawns?
You want to mow one of those things?
8. Why do all of the houses look alike?
They don’t in spite of Spiro Agnew’s comment, ”If you’ve seen one slum, you’ve seen ‘em all.”
Once you get to know the place, you’ll see everything from pink temples to ghostly mansions, not just adobes. But the predominance of the adobe style is part of what makes Santa Fe unique and beautiful.
The essence of the adobe pueblo style, one of the great architectural styles of the world, is that it blends with the land around it. It’s more a part of the landscape than an intrusion on it. You know it, I know it, and the people of Santa Fe know it, but some folks who have to have everything gussied up don’t get it.
9. Why are some of the streets so narrow?
How much room does a burro need?
10. Why doesn’t the East side have sidewalks?
We’d rather use that land for the crops in the courtyards.
11. Why are there so many Realtors in Santa Fe?
Studies indicate it’s the same reason there are so many massage therapists. It’s the aura, the energy here.
This parallel phenomenon has its advantages. You should be able to find a Realtor who is a massage therapist to show you property, then Rolf your sticker shock after you’ve looked at real estate.
Is Santa Fe Another Country?
Do I need a passport?
We have a border-free agreement with Albuquerque, but culture shock is an issue. Entering and leaving by way of Cerrillos Road aids in the transition.
Is it safe to drink the water?
Stick to tap water and you'll be OK.
The Language
Why are all the streets called Calle, Camino, and Paseo instead of Street?
The Pilgrims never made it this far.
 What does Acequia Madre mean, and how do you say it?
It means something like ”The Mother of All Ditches” (the Mother Ditch, the Main Gully, the Big Ditch), and it feeds all the other ”acequias” in the area, which in turn water the bean fields, corn fields and orchards along Canyon Road and nearby areas, now and two- three- four-hundred years ago.
In Santa Fe, Acequia Madre is both an acequia, and a street named for it. There are many Acequias Madres in active use around Northern New Mexico. For some reason there don’t seem to be any Acequias Hijos or Hijas (son or daughter ditches, by name, that is).
You say ah-sehk-yah mah-dreh. Along the same lines, make ”Tesuque” rhyme more or less with Suzuki, but with the z as an s. ”Pojoaque”: puh-wa-keh.
What do they mean when they ask, ”red or green”?
Since you were most likely asked this question by a waiter or waitress, you may already know that a) this is not a real estate term, b) an enchilada is not a building material, and c) they are not talking about wall paper.
Why do waitresses talk about “Christmas” when chili dishes are offered on the menu?
Maybe it’s a hint for a generous tip.
What’s the Santa Fe version of carpe diem?
Carpe mañana.
Why do you say arroyo?
Most Santa Feans wouldn’t understand wadi.
What’s the difference between a viga and a vega?
Vigas hold up your roof. Vegas hold up cowboys and horses, who ride across ’em. You probably see more cowboys and horses around Las Vegas (”The Plains”), New Mexico, than Las Vegas, Nevada, except around the time of the national rodeo finals.
What’s the most common oxymoron in the local dialect?
”Coyote art.”
(“Inexpensive real estate” is a close second.)
Moisture
Is there enough water?
Some say there is. Some say there isn’t. The main thing is to think of, and refer to precipitation as “moisture”. According to Juan Madera, the word should be spoken in the same manner as “Holy Father”.
How did all these little creeks get to be called rivers?
It’s our way of thanking the Lord for what we have. If we had the Mississippi, we wouldn’t appreciate it as much.
Don't Ask
Where do the movie stars live?
We don't want to know. It's embarrassing.
At what altitude to do deer turn into elk? (A question once asked at a local gallery.)
It's seasonal.
By George Amos, Broker, Owner, The Guest House on the Hill, a Santa Fe vacation rental
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